Here’s something I’ve seen again and again:
A kid falls head-over-heels for a college based on a website, a TikTok tour, a hoodie, or some dreamy idea of what it represents. And now, that’s the school. The only school. The dream.
But here’s the truth:
They’re in love with the idea of it, not the reality.
And look, I’m not knocking ambition. I love that they’re excited about their future. That’s good. That’s healthy. But we’ve got to admit something: this whole college thing? It’s a lot like young love. Loud, emotional, idealized, and not always rooted in experience.
They haven’t been on campus. They haven’t sat through a lecture. They haven’t waited in line for laundry or fought for a parking space or dealt with the burnout that sometimes comes with taking on a massive loan.
What they have done is fallen for the story.
And colleges are really good at selling a story.
So what do you do when your kid’s fixated on one “dream school” that costs a fortune, and you’re the one stuck running the math at 2 a.m.?
You bring the family together. You talk. You really talk.
Teenagers rarely want to hear it from a parent. They may hear a discussion about cost as a rejection of their plans. That does not make the budget less real, but it does affect how the conversation starts.
Start with shared questions: what does your student want from college, what can the family afford, and what alternatives deserve a fair comparison?
A useful conversation can include:
- Getting in the same room and finally having the conversation
- Having the conversation out loud, with room for hard feelings and different priorities
- And then starting over, with honesty, with clarity, and with a real understanding of what everyone needs
We ask real questions, like:
- What does your kid actually want from their college experience?
- What does this particular school offer that matters to them?
- Which other schools or pathways could meet those needs?
- And how does money, real, earned, long-term money, factor into all of this?
We stop talking in circles.
We stop letting guilt and pressure drive the conversation.
And we start figuring out what’s actually best for this kid, this family, right now.
Maybe that dream school makes sense. Maybe it doesn’t.
But if we’re going to commit to it, or walk away, we need to make that call together, as a family, not as a battlefield.
Because the goal here isn’t to crush dreams.
It’s to build something solid. Something real.
Something that doesn’t leave your kid (or you) buried in resentment and debt five years from now.
If every college conversation turns into a standoff, begin with a clear cost comparison and questions everyone can answer. For the tax side, talk with Maguire Taxes about your college plan. If your family wants support with communication or relationships, My Choice Therapy has information about separately arranged counseling services.
For all of you.
James Maguire